Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Feeling Old, Fat, and Annoyed.
Today I was sitting around a table with four other girls, all of which are quite a bit younger than me, at least 6 or 7 years younger. I've come to like these ladies quite a bit, they are all super nice. Today though, I decided how old and fat I really felt being around them. They are all tan, super skinny, beach blondish hair, and just gorgeous girls. Believe me when I say it's a bit depressing some days. If I didn't feel super fugly before, I definitely do now! hahaha! Actually I do enjoy most... most of the conversations I have with them. Today though it was about having babies, gaining weight, losing weight, how much everyone weighed at the end of their pregnancies, boobs, boob jobs, stretch marks and so on and so forth. I opted out of that conversation for the most part. Sometimes I'm better off saying nothing. It really sucks when someone says they got HUGE when they were 9 months and weighed 160lbs... and here I am, not prego and 185lbs. Ugg. :( There's always some sort of conversation about their bodies and really what can I add to that conversation??? Ummm yeah so I've been struggling with my weight for a good three years now, trying every diet under the sun. I eat healthy food, but that's obviously not working for me. It just sucks. I literally feel like the big elephant in the room. Honestly, it's really childish but it makes me wonder a little what is said about me when I'm not there. Fat girl jokes? Oh why doesn't she just work out a little, it's not that hard??? Why on earth was she wearing that, does she know how she looks?? .... ya I know, they probably don't say anything like that, but I can't help but think it in my head. There was also at one point that I wanted to bang my head against the table.... really I did! One girl said.... "I'd always have so much money when I waited tables and guys would come in, I'd get some really huge tips from them" I was like... wow. Really? Let's not brag anymore about how hot we are, I'm pretty sure everyone KNOWS!! That one was driving me insane, she kept interrupting everyone with something SHE needed to say and it was always either bragging about herself or degrading something about someone. I was like... please shoot me now! Anyway that about sums my lovely little day today.